Pants: Hey Keith, we have way too many songs to fit them all into an hour long set. What should we do?

Keith: It's a common misconception that you have to play all of a song when you play it live. The simple solution is to play 10 seconds or so of the chorus. Do this for about 15 of your most well known songs all in a row and you've got yourself a medley. I recommend you open your set with this.

Pants: Ok, but what if we finish a song, and we really want to play it again right away?

Keith: No problem! Use what I like to call the "Blue Flowers" solution. Perform the song in its entirety. Now, when you get to the end of the song, just start it over again from the beginning. BUT, make sure you yell "remix" over and over throughout the second performance of the song. This will ensure that the audience picks up on the subtle difference.

Pants: Ok, but what if I reach the end of the set, my DJ is packing up, but I still have this 45 minute rant I need to go one about "text paging" and how the internet is making ladies more conservative?

Keith: Most acts make the mistake of leaving the stage when the music is over. You'd be surprised how long people will stay and listen even after the house lights go up. This is the perfect time to enact social change. Text paging is not going to end all by itself.

Pants: Yeah, but if I'm speechifying on stage, who will make arrangements with the ladies in the crowd for the "afterparty"?

Keith: Simple, you have Motion Man take care of it! Have him form them in a single file line on stage, and take down their information one by one. However, if you catch one of the ladies text paging while in line, be sure to call he out.

Pants: This all sounds great Keith, but I'm not sure we could actually pull any of this off.

Keith: That is correct. I am pretty much the only one who can pull any of this off.



DISCLAIMER: Lest any of you think I am mocking Mr. Nogatco (I wouldn't dare), this is more my not so clever or original way of expressing my awe that he pulled all of this off. Kool Keith put on an amazing (although strange) show last night. In addition to all the shenanigans, he rolled through an impressive array of songs, including a few Ultramagnetic MC's songs, which were a pleasant surprise. Sadly no Masters of Illusion though.